Battling Perfectionism

Yesterday my husband granted me a "day off." He took care of our baby from feeding to cuddling to changing diapers. He did not ask me to do anything like cook or clean. I got to sleep late, then spend the day playing video games. It was a break from life that I desperately needed.

But what brought me to needing to withdraw from life for a day? The previous few days I had been in a bit of a funk. But I still battled on, washing dishes, caring for the baby, making dinner, and teaching a few music lessons through it all.

It all seemed to have its start on Saturday. My dear Craig came across me indulging in tears of self pity. Here is our conversation:

Craig: Why are you crying?

Me: Because sometimes life is hard.

Craig: My life has never been easier.

Me: (Not out loud, but in my head) Because I've been doing all of the work, you idiot!

If anyone has been watching us, it is true, I have been doing all of the work. But that is not the end of the story. Last night as I came back to reality I asked myself why I have been doing all of the work. Is it because Craig is incapable, unwilling, or something else? He is currently capable and willing. I created the situation in my bid for Perfection. You see, Craig had offered, yes offered, to do the dishes several times the previous week. I declined the offer because I don't like the way he washes dishes. How's that for Perfectionism? Not only did I decline the offer of help, but I did not ask for help with anything else either.

So on Tuesday I found myself in bed late and checking out for the day. Allowing myself such an indulgence is not a problem as long as it only happens once in a while. But I would like for it to come about not as the answer to a Perfectionism induced funk, but from my husband's appreciation for what I do for him and the rest of the family.

What now? I will accept future offers to wash dishes or any other part of the house. It may mean going to another room so that I can not see the suds flying across the room, but that would be just fine. I will also ask for more help from him. Craig is generally very happy to help a person out - especially his wife. He simply needs to know what I need help with. After all, he has yet to learn to read my mind.